Tuesday, February 28, 2017

The Parenting Illusions of Social Media

Parenting and relationships are difficult enough by itself, but throw social media into it and it just got a whole helluva lot more complicated. Don't get me wrong, the plethora of information out there is great, and the support I've found from mom groups has given me lot's of comfort during some lonely times.

But it's dangerous out there. We all want to do the best thing for our children and so naturally when we hear about someone doing something different, we compare. And we are usually comparing their best day with our worst. We also seek advice from complete strangers when sometimes the answer is deep within ourselves.

Facebook, Instagram, Twitter . . . it's just one big highlight reel. Celebrity marriages create this horrible illusion that what they portray is reality. It's not. Reality is full of messes that celebrities experience too. They just don't want us to see it.  Social media showcases our best moments. But life isn't just a compilation of our best. We all have those horrible days.

Now what if I posted this photo with the caption: Enjoying some alone time while my beautiful babies take a nap!

You form an opinion about me and my life. But it's not just this one picture on my Facebook account. It's hundreds just like this. Highlighting the "better" moments. It's easy to assume my life is a certain way.

What if I told you I took that picture 20 times before it looked just right, and it actually took me an hour to get both babies to sleep. I also spent the entire morning ugly crying because I was up with my baby 6 times last night and I'm so exhausted. It wasn't just last night, it's every night. And I haven't gotten more than five hours of broken sleep in eight months.

And we missed a doctors appointment and when I called to reschedule they said," if you ever miss an appointment we cancel all future appointments and don't allow you to be a patient anymore." And we have been through hell since we moved trying to find a good pediatrician that takes our insurance and have already had one horrible experience and have no other options. I begged them to make an exception. I cried on the phone to someone I barely knew.

I cried because my husband is gone 12 hours a day and I wake up alone every morning.  I struggle every day to not lose my shit while I get four kids ready for the day. Myself included. I wake up alone because my husband commutes to work because we couldn't really afford to live in the city he works in and we wanted more for our kids. We wanted a great neighborhood and great schools. A nice house. So we sacrificed. I cried because my sinks were full of dishes and my kitchen was a mess and I felt like a failure. I felt like life was just too heavy for me to handle. I cried because I felt like I was failing.

I cried because I've been telling myself that things will get easier. My daughter will figure it out and sleep. One day. Work won't completely consume my husband. One day. I will crawl into bed one night and not wake up until after the sun comes up. One day, I cried because I've been so patient and this morning, I didn't want to be anymore. I wanted everything to be the way I wanted it to be.

I'm typically a genuinely happy person. Honestly. It's the one thing my family and close friends have always said about me. Why are you so happy all the time? And this morning, I cried because I was disappointed in myself for being so negative. We all need days like that. I'm not a robot. I can't always be happy. I cry so hard sometimes because I need to.

Next time someone posts a photo or several photos, or their entire social media account seems like they have the perfect life, just remember they probably don't. We are all going through our own stuff and have days when we leave the house in leggings, a mom bun, and a baggy sweater. No sexy peep toes, but dirty flats with a hole in the side, But we don't post those kinds of photos. We post the photos of ourselves when we manage to shower, do our make-up and leave the house holding a hot Starbucks coffee, donning our best skinny jeans and designer blouse.

To the mom right now sitting in her pajamas reading this, You aren't alone. I'm in sweatpants right now, my toddler didn't take a nap and my coffee is still sitting in the microwave from this morning.

1 comment:

  1. So true! The filtered world of social media is far from reality.

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