My Marriage Comes First

So if there was only one apple left you would give it to your husband?

When I say my marriage comes first, I don't mean I would deprive my children of something for my husband. Our children wouldn't even exist if my husband and I weren't together so our relationship needs constant nurturing and attention.

Our marriage is the foundation for this beautiful fortified kingdom we created together. If our relationship weakens, everything we have worked so hard to build begins to crumble. Our whole world falls apart and our kids need us to be strong and work together. They need us to be a team who works together and fights for the family.

This doesn't mean I tend to my husbands needs before my crying children, but we actively carve out time for one another and never stop dating. Our love and relationship is far more advanced than that of a dating couple in the honeymoon phase. We flirt, send naughty text messages, ask each other out on dates, and romance each other as if we just met. We pursue one another, all the time. My husband still opens the car door for me, fills up my water bottle, and texts me to tell me he misses me. I do his laundry, iron his shirts when I have time, leave him sweet notes, and make sure I tell him how much I appreciate him.

None of that comes easy. We have four children. Two of them have activities during the week, homework, want to spend alone time with each of us and the other two are both under three years old. I have also been breastfeeding every single day and night for the past three years. And was pregnant for 18 months out of the last 36 months.

We also recognize that things aren't always going to be equal or 50/50. There have been times when Greg needed me to give 90% because he only had 10%. Times when we were both able to give 50%. There were also times when I've been so sleep deprived and had absolutely nothing left to give. When he travels for work I'm giving more than I thought I had to give. Marriage isn't always about things being fair. It's about working together and being a team. Sometimes one of the people on that team has to bear more of the burden. Neither one of us are ever bearing it alone, or for very long.

I don't think anyone ever really tells you how much work it is to maintain a marriage and keep it thriving. It's not easy. But it's worth it. Any anything worth anything is hard.