Mommy Wars

Let's be totally honest because we have all done this. We have passed judgement on other mom's before knowing a single thing about them. Hell, we judge mom's we know. I shamefully admit that I have judged a mom based on whether or not she breastfeeds, how her kids behave, how she disciplines, or doesn't . . . and who am I to do that? I am not a perfect mother and I really don't have the right to judge anyone.

I think as parents we all want to feel like the way we choose to raise our children is the best way, and it's very easy to become smug about our choices when we learn that another mom is doing it differently. If there is one thing I have learned about being a mother, it's that there are one million ways to raise kids and just because something is effective for one family, doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be the best thing for you. And that's okay.

It doesn't make you a better mother because you let your baby cry it out so they can learn to self sooth and be independent. And it doesn't make you a better mother because you rock your two year old to sleep.

You are not depriving your child of something because you chose formula from day one. And I seriously doubt that the mother who is still breastfeeding her three year old loves her baby more than you love yours.

We have all been there-- We've been that mom in the store whose kid is throwing a full on temper tantrum because you wouldn't give in and buy that toy, or maybe, just like any other human being, he is having a bad day, and unlike an adult, can't express that in words.
 And you're a great mom for not giving in, and your child acting like a jerk doesn't mean you suck at parenting. Kids throw fits. It happens. Stop judging and go give that poor mama a hug. That could be you next week.

The comments I've listed below and hurtful, and not helpful in anyway:

-You really shouldn't let him do that
-She just gets whatever she wants, doesn't she
-Brat!
-You shouldn't let him get away with that
-It's so weird that you are still breastfeeding
- You need to be more strict
-Or any comment insinuating that you know more about what best for my child then I do


We all make the choices we make because we are all doing what we feel works for our individual family. We do what we think is best and what feels right. What feels right to me, might feel completely wrong to you. It's okay.

We are often harder on ourselves because we compare. I know I compare myself to other mom's a lot. This is probably the worst thing I can do to myself because we are all living a different life and are on a different path and the internet doesn't help. You don't see mom's updating their status about how their baby was up every hour and they haven't showered in three days and the only energy they have is from cold, left over mac and cheese. No. We see the highlight reel. We read about the amazing sleep they got. How lucky they are. And more often then not, you are only going to see the good pictures people take. The ones where they actually had make-up on.

When I had my first baby, I didn't have any confidence as a mother. I was so scared of doing the wrong thing, that I followed everyone's advice, even if it didn't feel like the best thing. I have a lot of regrets about the kind of mother I started out as, but as I gained confidence and fell into a groove, nothing will change how I feel about certain things because I know I am doing what is best for my family and my children.

Before I experienced breastfeeding to the degree I have now, I actually used to say how weird it was to breastfeed a baby with teeth, or when they can ask for it. I never realized how incredibly hurtful a comment like that might be to a mom who chose extended breastfeeding.
It wasn't until I heard comments like that, for me to realize the power of someone's words. It's never fair to judge unless you have been in that situation.



Taking the time to listen to another mom's choices instead of judging them goes a long way. You might learn something new, or understand something that maybe you didn't before.

A judgment happens so quickly. Try to stop it, and replace it with curiosity. We need each other because we are all fighting for the same thing-- the best for our kids!

Why I Breastfeed In Public

Breastfeeding has become such a hot topic recently and I've been faced with a number of questions and statements from family members, friends, and strangers regarding breastfeeding.

-How much longer do you plan to nurse?

-So, she doesn't eat real food?

- You do know she is just nursing for comfort at this point?

-I think it's time you stop.

-Using the bathroom is natural. Why can't I do that in public?

Let me start by saying that as women, we do something so absolutely incredible. Our bodies actually grow a tiny human inside of us. Then, our organs and bones move and shift so we can deliver a baby. If that truly isn't the most amazing thing ever, I don't know what is.

We do something else pretty awesome too. We produce milk specifically composed of everything our baby needs at different stages of their life based on how long and how often they nurse. So cool!

When someone tells me it's inappropriate to nurse in public, I'm sort of confused.

It's not inappropriate when cheerleaders are literally in sparkly underwear cheering on America's favorite sport, not to mention their boobs are practically bouncing out of the itty bitty top they are wearing. Victoria's Secret posters in the mall show more cleavage and nakedness then I show when I'm nursing.

I saw something on the internet that was comical, but true. Breasts can sell everything from beer to burgers, but a nursing mother is a huge no no.

So why do I nurse in public without a cover? Well, those cover's are total bullshit. First of all, they are hot. Not just hot for me, but my baby was hot underneath them, and I really couldn't even see her. Second, they are so annoying to maneuver underneath of, and my daughter never nursed well with a cover over her face.

I have two other kids and am constantly on the go, so when I have a newborn baby who is nursing every 45 minutes to 2 hours, it's almost impossible for me to find an isolated place to sit for half an hour while she nurses, and you can go to hell if you tell me to go into a public restroom. And now that she is older, she nurses so infrequently and so quickly, that by the time you have gotten your panties in a bunch over me breastfeeding, she will be finished.

Speaking of finding an isolated place to nurse-- because I choose to breastfeed, why should I have to leave the room, or be sent away to do it? Something like that can become incredibly lonely. Especially in the first few months when babies are nursing so often. If I "went somewhere private" every time my daughter needed to nurse, I might as well have never left my house.

I don't do it to prove a point. And I'm not doing it to flaunt my breasts or activate my right as a woman to nurse in public.

I nurse in public because it's convenient, and if I'm out to lunch with my husband, and my baby needs to breastfeed, I don't want to have to leave the table and go sit in my car alone for twenty-five minutes while my meal gets cold.

I do it because I'm not ashamed to do what I feel is natural when my baby is hungry.
And yes, pooping and peeing is natural too. But excreting waste is extremely different that nourishing a baby, not to mention unsanitary if everyone starting taking a dump in public. There is nothing unsanitary about nursing an infant.

If someone is breastfeeding in public and it makes you uncomfortable, stop looking at them. Because if someone was wearing an outfit that was exposing a lot of cleavage, or their ass was hanging out, would you walk up to them and say, "excuse me, you need to cover up."? Of course you wouldn't. Why? Because it is their right to dress the way they want to. Just like it is my right to nurse where I need to. Not so much want to. Need to. 

If society makes it inconvenient for mother's to breastfeed wherever they need to, they simply won't anymore. I gave up nursing my second daughter after only 4 weeks due to lack of information about nursing- my fault entirely- and also feeling like I had to leave the room, or go in my bedroom every time she wanted to nurse. I remember on one occasion, sitting in my bedroom a week or so after giving birth, nursing my beautiful daughter, and just crying while I breastfed. I could hear my family in the kitchen laughing and making jokes, eating dinner, and I wanted to be out there with them. And I felt so alone.

It wasn't until I had my third baby that I took action and researched, joined support groups and realized it was okay to nurse wherever I wanted to. And the whole experience was very different for me. I stopped leaving the room, or excusing myself from the table, and I didn't feel like because I was nursing that I had to be isolated. Its a beautiful, normal thing that should not be looked at as inappropriate.

The length of time I nurse is entirely up to me and my daughter and it's so weird when people ask me how much longer I'm going to do it? It's weird because I really don't know. When I started breastfeeding my now 19 month old, I had hoped to make it to a year. I never imagined we would have made it this long. And I'm proud of it, and I'm happy to do it. I've sacrificed a lot to exclusively breastfeed for this long.( Yes, my daughter eats three meals a day and lots and lots of snacks) I nurse her to sleep every night, and some people have commented on how it must suck, or they can't imagine never being able to go anywhere over night.

Well, you know what-- That's you, not me. And in the entirety of my life, sacrificing two to three short years of my time to my child really isn't very long. Before I know it, she will be my older son's age, and I will pine to rock her in my arms one more time.

So yes, in a way, she does nurse for comfort when she is nursing to fall asleep. But lot's of people have a means of comfort or relaxation to help achieve sleep. She falls asleep warm, comfortable, and peacefully. Nothing at all wrong with that. I'm sure with age, her means of comfort will change or the need for it might go away entirely. And no, I don't know when that will be.

My husband and I go out, and we do things together. We just plan it around her. I usually nurse her to sleep, and then we go out. No big deal really. She sleeps through the night, and I know we have so many wonderful years ahead of us to take vacations alone, or get away for the weekend. We improvise for now, and it's really okay. Do we miss being able to be completely alone for days at a time? Absolutely.

There will be a time when my daughter will wean from nursing when she is ready.Until then, I will continue to nurse her when she needs it, wherever that happens to be.