Mommy Wars

Let's be totally honest because we have all done this. We have passed judgement on other mom's before knowing a single thing about them. Hell, we judge mom's we know. I shamefully admit that I have judged a mom based on whether or not she breastfeeds, how her kids behave, how she disciplines, or doesn't . . . and who am I to do that? I am not a perfect mother and I really don't have the right to judge anyone.

I think as parents we all want to feel like the way we choose to raise our children is the best way, and it's very easy to become smug about our choices when we learn that another mom is doing it differently. If there is one thing I have learned about being a mother, it's that there are one million ways to raise kids and just because something is effective for one family, doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be the best thing for you. And that's okay.

It doesn't make you a better mother because you let your baby cry it out so they can learn to self sooth and be independent. And it doesn't make you a better mother because you rock your two year old to sleep.

You are not depriving your child of something because you chose formula from day one. And I seriously doubt that the mother who is still breastfeeding her three year old loves her baby more than you love yours.

We have all been there-- We've been that mom in the store whose kid is throwing a full on temper tantrum because you wouldn't give in and buy that toy, or maybe, just like any other human being, he is having a bad day, and unlike an adult, can't express that in words.
 And you're a great mom for not giving in, and your child acting like a jerk doesn't mean you suck at parenting. Kids throw fits. It happens. Stop judging and go give that poor mama a hug. That could be you next week.

The comments I've listed below and hurtful, and not helpful in anyway:

-You really shouldn't let him do that
-She just gets whatever she wants, doesn't she
-Brat!
-You shouldn't let him get away with that
-It's so weird that you are still breastfeeding
- You need to be more strict
-Or any comment insinuating that you know more about what best for my child then I do


We all make the choices we make because we are all doing what we feel works for our individual family. We do what we think is best and what feels right. What feels right to me, might feel completely wrong to you. It's okay.

We are often harder on ourselves because we compare. I know I compare myself to other mom's a lot. This is probably the worst thing I can do to myself because we are all living a different life and are on a different path and the internet doesn't help. You don't see mom's updating their status about how their baby was up every hour and they haven't showered in three days and the only energy they have is from cold, left over mac and cheese. No. We see the highlight reel. We read about the amazing sleep they got. How lucky they are. And more often then not, you are only going to see the good pictures people take. The ones where they actually had make-up on.

When I had my first baby, I didn't have any confidence as a mother. I was so scared of doing the wrong thing, that I followed everyone's advice, even if it didn't feel like the best thing. I have a lot of regrets about the kind of mother I started out as, but as I gained confidence and fell into a groove, nothing will change how I feel about certain things because I know I am doing what is best for my family and my children.

Before I experienced breastfeeding to the degree I have now, I actually used to say how weird it was to breastfeed a baby with teeth, or when they can ask for it. I never realized how incredibly hurtful a comment like that might be to a mom who chose extended breastfeeding.
It wasn't until I heard comments like that, for me to realize the power of someone's words. It's never fair to judge unless you have been in that situation.



Taking the time to listen to another mom's choices instead of judging them goes a long way. You might learn something new, or understand something that maybe you didn't before.

A judgment happens so quickly. Try to stop it, and replace it with curiosity. We need each other because we are all fighting for the same thing-- the best for our kids!