Wednesday, September 7, 2016

"If you don't let anything happen to you, then nothin' will ever happen to you"

I could blog about motherhood or parenting today, but I feel like this is a more important topic that in a way, pertains to motherhood.

When my husband and I started living together and moved into our first little house, we were thrilled to have a place to live and start a family, despite the overwhelming amount of renovations the house needed to simply make it livable. As we settled in, and drowned ourselves in renovation after renovation, and credit card debt, after credit card debt, we began to accept things in our life.

We accepted that we would never get out of debt

We accepted that after two failed attempts, we would never sell our house

We accepted that our "master bedroom" was really in a partially finished basement and we wouldn't have privacy for a long time

We accepted that we would probably be living in Christiansburg until our kids were in high school

We accepted our life for what it was and tried to find things to be thankful for every day

It's great to be thankful for what you have, lot's of people have less, but there is nothing wrong with wanting more if you are willing to work for it.

We both got stuck in our life. Too comfortable and accepting things we weren't really happy with.
I'm not good with change at all. I actually try to avoid it as much as possible and do what I know. I have always avoided trying new things, I hate traveling because of all the unknowns I might not be able to control. I'm a planner and an organizer. I want to know exactly what is going to happen and when, at all times. I like a routine. A routine that I made and am comfortable with.

But here is the thing, "If you don't let anything happen to you, nothing will ever happen to you."

Ever since my son was little, he watched Finding Nemo over and over again. Five times a day sometimes. I can recite the movie in my sleep and yet Dory's advice to Marlin never hit me.

"If you don't let anything happen to you . . .

I never let things happen to me. Ever! If I thought something would turn out bad, or be a stressful experience, I wouldn't do it. Over the last six years, we have had three different opportunities to move to Colorado and turned each one down. THREE!

The last time my husband was presented with the opportunity, we said yes. And more things have happened to me in the last six months then over the last six years.

Some of it was horrible and I cried. I cried so hard some days, and didn't think I had it in me to do anymore. But I did. My kids witnessed a strength in me that I didn't even know I had. Here is the other thing. Anything worth anything is never going to be easy. And after all the exhaustion and stress, and worry and having everything that could have possibly went wrong, going wrong, I can't even tell you how worth it it all was when we made it to our new house. In a neighborhood. With actual neighbors and kids and a playground and a gorgeous house that didn't need any work or renovations.

Don't get me wrong, the days following were miserable. Adjusting to the altitude, the time change, unpacking with three kids and a newborn, crying children. But in that moment, that five seconds before everyone lost their shit, I knew it was worth it. I wasn't going to not let things happen to me. I would be brave and take chances, meet new people, stray from our routines. It's hard sometimes. The kids cry, throw fits, and I wonder why we even try. Then I remind myself that we only have one life, and we aren't promised tomorrow, so I want to make sure that today, we are truly living and loving and trying something new, even if it's hard.

And Lord willing, if I am given decades, I don't want to look back and realize I did the same thing every day because I was afraid.

I took chances when I was scared. Tried things when I didn't want to. Taught my kids to be strong and work hard for things you want because really living is worth it. Settling is not.


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